Being a Woman Outside of the IFB

There are a few things that I have learned since leaving the IFB. Ok. Maybe more than a few things. There are some things that I learned though about being a woman. In the IFB, women are generally put down as being weak and unable to handle life situations. I was told as a young teenager that I wouldn’t be able to make it in the world without a man. I began to believe this, even after I left the cult. Now that I am about to enter into the later part of my 20’s, I am finally realizing what an amazing thing it is to be a woman. And I don’t need a man to be happy or survive.

As a little girl, I was given the following options for my future career/life: wife, mother, Christian school teacher, pastor’s wife, or secretary to a pastor. None of which were very appealing to me. (I will say that one day I hope to marry and have children, but that is still in the far future for me.) Now I have a whole lot more career options. It is amazing to decide for myself what I want to do. Yes, it my dreams and goals may change, but it is so amazing to know that I have that choice now.

My mother was one of the most inspirational people in my life. She always encouraged me. I remember one thing she always talked about was her dream for me to go to college. I do believe that I am the first woman on her side of the family to do that. At the time, I thought, hell no. I didn’t want to be in school a day longer than I had to. I had in my mind that I would go out and get married and have kids. Turns out mom knows best. I did drop out of school when I was in the IFB but now I am going to school again and for something I actually like. I do it in her honor and memory and to make a better life for myself.

It is also nice to know that I am not tied down to anyone. Yes, I have a boyfriend. He is supportive though and would never dream of standing in the way of me doing anything I wanted. In fact he pushes me to go do what I want when I want to. It is nice to be able to decide things on my own instead of having to go to a pastor or any man and ask his permission.

After all is said and done, I am not the IFB type of a girl. I like to do my own thing with out someone trying to control my every move. I actually don’t know how I survived in the IFB but I did. Haha





2 thoughts on “Being a Woman Outside of the IFB

  1. I’ve been reading and tweeting your posts just now. I’m so sorry. You went through so much. I know what it’s like to be torn from a foreign country. The adjustment is so hard. It’s so lonely, and no one understands. And you do that with so much other circumstances – with grief of losing a parent, being kicked from school, church, oh, man.

    • Thank you for your support. It is lonely, but not an impossible road to go down. I now know that there are other people that are out there just like me. It helps to know that I have their support.

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