First of all, I would like to apologize for my absence. There has been lots going on with school and work and personal life. But I am here!
Recently, I experienced a real low point. It was sparked by something I really can not share at this point. If I can ever share it. But it made me question a lot of things. It made me feel like there was no foundation left in my life at all. It was suggested to me by a very close and dear friend that I stop this blog and talking with other IFB survivors. They said it would do me good to get a break from it all and focus on myself for a time. Which I guess when it comes to it, that was part of my silence over the past month or so. However, I began to think. Most of my doing this blog is to heal myself. I find it does help to talk about what happened there and also share the ridiculous opinions of the IFB. Also another part of my doing this is to help others who went through the same things. Even if it only touches one person, it counts to me.
Even though I left the IFB 3 years ago, it is only this past year and half that I am beginning to live a life again. I met an awesome guy that opened my eyes to a lot of things and taught me how to live in the real world. LOL I have a job that I am pretty good at and that is NOT run by a church. (I had always gotten jobs at churches to appease my dad.) I also no longer go to church, which doesn’t bother me as much as the IFB pastors said it would. Actually it doesn’t bother me at all. And I am going to school. Basically I am doing things for myself that make me happy. Not what makes others happy.
My whole point in saying that is, I am happy. Yes, there are days that suck and I cry or get upset and wish things were different. Who doesn’t have those days though? In the cult, I was never happy. My aunt made a comment to me one time about how she never saw me smile. Not one time.
One of the reasons of why I can be happy is because I know that I am not free. I am not owned by my dad, a pastor, or a husband, or any man. I am not bound to a religion that is nothing but terror. I am finally free. And that is why I will never give up.
Freedom is a great and wonderful thing. In many ways, it is still a whole new concept to me. But it is a concept that I have come to love so much. I can never give up and go back to the cult where I would be contained. And one of the points of this blog is to introduce that freedom to others.