Sex in the Eyes of an Ex Pastor’s Kid

Many of you, surely, were all told the Baptist’s belief on sex and, well, sexuality in general. The idea they gave is that it is all wrong, unless you happen to be married. Here is my take on it.

Sex is awesome! Why wouldn’t people want to do it???????

Sex is not dirty. Well, maybe sometimes it is. But what I mean to say is that it is not a sin. You are not going to go to hell, be struck dead, or fall into a downward spiral. ( I am not exactly sure what my dad always meant by that but whatever.)

Sex is a fun thing. For very many reasons. I will let you fill in the blanks.

Sex is an exploration and another way to discover yourself. To all the ones who have just left the IFB don’t hesitate to try something new. You may find out that you are gay, lesbian, transgender, or bi. Or you may find out your a freak. Once again you fill it in.

Sex is good education. Many of us that were raised in Fundamentalism were never taught anything about our bodies. If you are sexually active that will eventually change. Or you could just take a sex ed class. But I would suggest the real thing.

Sex is great stress relief. Look it up. It really is.

So yeah. This post is kinda, I don’t know, inappropriate maybe. But this blog is about me expressing myself and what I have learned since leaving this cult. And sex is one of those things.






5 thoughts on “Sex in the Eyes of an Ex Pastor’s Kid

  1. Hey Debby,

    ——-The following is a comment I posted on a woman’s blog who was a conservative Christian turned non believer. She was talking about how awful losing her virginity was when she got married and this is what I told her about my story. I think it’s kind of relevant to your post. I hope you don’t mind……..——————-

    My husband and I were a couple of good Christians at the time we married at 31. We were both the same age and were both virgins. Mr. Amazing was raised Southern Baptist and I was raised Pentecostal, predominately, Assemblies of God. We met at a church that was basically apart of a big movement within the Foursquare denomination.

    When a man and a woman go through life scrambling to get their sex education through school, friends and lousy books (The Act of Marriage is a book that I would love to see destroyed!) issues come up for at least the first few days of their marriage. The only thing that either of us were told about sex from our intact, religious and traditional homes was “don’t do it!” When you are repeatedly told not to do something, when the time comes to do it, it’s awkward, painful and a complete mindfuck to do it!

    My poor husband had issues with erections because he loved me and didn’t want to hurt me. It seriously hurt him emotionally and affected him physically to know that he was hurting me. From the morning we married to the time we even began to get it right, was 48 hours of being couped up with each other, misery, sickness, pain and extreme disappointment.

    The truth of the matter is, sexual purity was rarely ever embraced by heroes of the Bible. Yet, fornication is stressed in the Ten Commandments in Exodus 20 and Paul places great emphasis upon it in his Epistles in the New Testament. It’s screamed against in so many Christian homes. Bible Colleges and Churches. Esther was more than likely “tried on for size” as the king was figuring out which of the many girls he wanted to make his bride. Ruth threw herself at Boaz’s feet and it is believed that she did a lot more than that as he went to bed every night. Abraham, Moses and David were all men who had sex with more than one woman. Yet, Christians are pushed to be sexually pure.

    I have two young boys and I have talked much more about sex to them than what my parents ever had with me my entire life. I let them know how important their bodies are and how no one has the right to them until they are of age and they have permission from them to do so. Their bodies are their bodies! My husband and I are such strong believers of this that we have stopped spankings altogether. It was something we rarely ever did, especially since becoming atheists less that a year and a half ago. We want our boys to know that their penis and buttocks are theirs and are private.

    • That is sad how much of a toll the IFB does take on a marriage. And you are correct that all those people in the Bible slept with people before they were married. That is really awesome though that you and your husband moved on from it and raise your kids opposite of that. Even in my extended family sex is taboo to talk about. So I figured it all out on my own. But you are right. Their bodies are their bodies. I also like that you mentioned that you don’t spank anymore. I think that is great. When I have kids I know I wont do that too them. It is so wrong on so many levels. Thank you for sharring.

  2. It really messed with my emotions how much I was told to hold onto my purity and give it away as a gift to my future husband and to save it for him and it’s all for him blah blah blah. It’s mine and I will do with it what I please! I felt like I was just told over and over that I was basically too weak to handle how badly sex outside of marriage would be. Turns out I am in fact not too weak to handle it and it’s great!

  3. I love this post. And Charity’s reply. Debby, you’re awesome. This is exactly how I feel about sex. Sex is a wonderful thing, and I want everybody to be free to enjoy it in whatever way makes them feel good (with the obvious disclaimers for consent, being ready, and being safe).

    I also hate that old fundamentalist view that you were letting down your future spouse if you didn’t wait for them. I’m glad my partner enjoyed having sex before we met. It means she was a more fulfilled, fun person when we got together, and the sex we had was better for having had some practice.

    Yay sex!

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